This project is about celebrating the strength of women and it is also about challenging misconceptions such as “it’s dangerous to have a child after 40” or “it’s too difficult to be an older mum”. We also want to put the spotlight on women who may have waited to have a child because they were focused on their career in their 20’s and 30’s or women who conceived after a long time of trying to get pregnant or trying treatments such as IVF. We are hoping to develop a series of honest, intimate and raw portraits of mothers with their child.
Louise
Did you have any fears about carrying a child when you were over 40 and did any of these fears materialize?
Yes! After having my first baby at the age of 35 and even at that age I was considered a "geriatric pregnancy", I developed postnatal depression due to the fact I was unable to breastfeed my baby boy. (Darragh is now nearly 10yo).
When we decided we were ready to try for another baby we got pregnant but had a miscarriage at 11 weeks. When we got pregnant again I was full of fear & anxiety about losing the pregnancy again. I had used different methods to assist the pregnancy including medication to stabilize my thyroid function & progesterone for the first trimester and acupuncture throughout the 9 months. I had experienced some bleeding in the early weeks and again at 12 weeks which petrified me that I would lose the baby.
Even though I had scans that confirmed all was well and the heart was beating regularly at hospital appointments any little bleed, pain or ache had me on tender hooks. As the pregnancy progressed I developed a severe infection & was hospitalized for about 5 days. Towards the end of the pregnancy at 38 weeks I had reduced fetal movement and was admitted to hospital again for observation. I was in the hospital for over a week going out of my mind just wanting to meet my baby!
My birthing plan went out of the window and eventually I was induced at 39 weeks. Finally, I could relax and see for real that my baby was perfect when she was born. I do think being classed as "a high risk" pregnancy definitely had an impact on my subconscious.
How did your life change afterwards? Or did it?
My life definitely became busier but I felt like our little family had been completed. What was a triangle was now a square.!
It certainly was a different experience, I felt more relaxed and at ease in myself even though I now had 2 children! The family dynamics did change and I was very aware of my older boy needing some extra attention and some special mum & son time. He could see how full on a baby can be and I was very aware that even though he was older he still needed some alone with mum and dad.
How has society received you as a mother over 40?
Generally, I have never had an issue with it. The only incident that sticks out in my mind is one day in the supermarket. I had my daughter with me sitting in the trolley. An elderly woman was interacting with Orlagh, who would have been about 8 or 9 months when the lady said to me "Oh your granddaughter is beautiful"!!! She was genuinely interested in cooing my baby and I believe the reason she thought she was my granddaughter is that my hair is as grey as hers was!!!
That's my belief and I'm sticking to it!!!
What would you say to women who are currently childless and thinking about conceiving?
100% go for it!! Be aware that there are some risks and with age, there is a higher incident of miscarriage and abnormalities but the actual incidences of these are low enough.
If a woman wants to be a mum over the age of 40 I would definitely encourage it. I would say trust the process and have plenty of support throughout the pregnancy and definitely after the baby is born!
Try to focus on the positives and send plenty of positive thoughts and energy to the baby! Rest as much as you can and try to enjoy being pregnant.
