This project is about celebrating the strength of women and it is also about challenging misconceptions such as “it’s dangerous to have a child after 40” or “it’s too difficult to be an older mum”. We also want to put the spotlight on women who may have waited to have a child because they were focused on their career in their 20’s and 30’s or women who conceived after a long time of trying to get pregnant or trying treatments such as IVF. We are hoping to develop a series of honest, intimate and raw portraits of mothers with their child.
Shirley
Tell us your story.
I got married when I was only 23! My husband was just 22! Skip forward 17 and a half years later and we have 4 wonderful children. I’m glad we got married so young because it turns out we needed all those years!
Our eldest is a 13 yr old ( almost 14) boy and we have an 8 yr old boy and a 22 month old boy.
As you can see there are huge gaps between all the boys. I have mild PCOS and it was just very difficult for us to get pregnant each time. We attended many many doctors appointments to look into why it was taking so long. I was 26 when I first got pregnant with our eldest and 40 on our last! So I’ve experienced what it’s like on both ends of the ‘age scale’!
After we had our 3 boys we thought that was it. We were blessed to have what we had and plus I was getting too old! I was 39 when we had our 3rd boy. I couldn’t believe it when I found out I was pregnant so soon after our last boy, after ALL the years of trying and now when we thought we were done along came what is now our 3 month old baby girl!!!
Did you have any fears about carrying a child when you were over 40?
I was 26 when I got pregnant on my first, 32 on my second and 38 on my third. On my third child I felt nervous as I was 39 by the time I had him. All I've ever heard was that the statistics show that the risks increase the older you are, especially over 35. In the medical world, you are considered a 'geriatric' mother. That's not a very nice term. It almost states that you are not capable, you're past it. You're trying to do something that's only meant for younger women.
I'm happy to say that I gave birth to a perfectly healthy boy on my 3rd pregnancy and I feel this relieved my worries when I became pregnant again when I was 40. I would be 41 by the time I had my little girl. However, there were always little worries in the back of my mind that would poke their head out every now and again. What if there is something wrong with my baby because I'm so old now! It was a surprise pregnancy and I wondered how I would cope with two small babies as well as two older children!
On this pregnancy it was mentioned to me on different occasions if I wanted to test further for any abnormalities there may be with my baby. This was never pushed so much before I turned 40. I declined as I wanted this baby regardless, it wouldn't change my mind whatsoever. I am also a firm believer in that each of my pregnancies were meant to be and I trusted God to bring each one safely into the world.
Did any of these fears materialize?
I am so delighted to say none of my fears materialised. I have 4 perfect and beautiful children. I am so thankful for this. I would always remind myself that anything can go wrong in pregnancy no matter what age you are. However, I did not dwell on this. As I mentioned I have trust and belief that these babies were all meant to be.
How did your life change afterwards? Or did it?
Life changes once you've had kids no matter what age you are!! I was 27 when my first baby was born and 41 on my last. I don't really notice much of a difference except that I'm crazy busy now! It ranges from a teenager down to a 3 month old!!! It brings lots of varieties.
How has society received you as a mother over 40?
To be honest I really don't notice any reaction from society. The main reaction I get is that I have 4 children. It's not very common anymore! I do get the vibes from some people that we are crazy to be wanting so many children and that we are 'still' in the baby phase. However, I see us as being blessed.
Both my husband and I have always wanted lots of kids and love the buzz around the house. We look forward to watching them all growing up and seeing where they all go in their lives. We look forward to the busy Christmas times when they come to visit with their children. The more the merrier!
What would you say to women who are currently childless and thinking about conceiving?
I always longed for children. My first 3 did not come easy and we had to wait a long time to become pregnant each time. My last baby was BOOM! The last two are 19 months apart. I cannot imagine my life without them. I would say to anyone, you will never regret the children you will have but you will regret not trying. I would say go for it and don't stress.
