This project is about celebrating the strength of women and it is also about challenging misconceptions such as “it’s dangerous to have a child after 40” or “it’s too difficult to be an older mum”. We also want to put the spotlight on women who may have waited to have a child because they were focused on their career in their 20’s and 30’s or women who conceived after a long time of trying to get pregnant or trying treatments such as IVF. We are hoping to develop a series of honest, intimate and raw portraits of mothers with their child.
Susan
Tell us your story.
I'd always wanted to be a mother - and when younger had assumed it would just happen... Time passed, there were relationships (some more serious than others) and when I was 38 I was single and had the realisation that it might not "just happen".
I had an assessment of my fertility at a clinic, and the results confirmed my feelings that it was time for me to get moving on motherhood, and I chose to try to conceive as a solo mother.
It took 2 years of appointments, hormones and medication - I conceived my son using donor sperm when I was 40 on the third attempt at IVF. I feel very fortunate that it worked.
Did you have any fears about carrying a child when you were over 40?
It took so long to conceive my child that I had lost faith in my body. Pregnancy was healing for me - as I began to feel movement and the bump grew larger I felt at peace with my body doing what it was supposed to do, and I felt a new connection between my mind and body.
It was a time of joy but also worry - I probably would always have been concerned about the baby if pregnant at a younger age, but at 40 I was aware of the increased rates of miscarriage, pre-eclampsia, etc.
Also, being a bit older and having grieved the deaths of friends and family members I have an appreciation of how fragile life can be, and this is not something I was as conscious of when younger.
Did any of these fears materialize?
My blood pressure was textbook perfect throughout pregnancy, but I did develop gestational diabetes. Diabetes and my age meant there were more appointments in the maternity hospital.
Watching him move on the ultrasound screen are some of my favourite memories of my pregnancy, and it was very reassuring to have his growth and condition so closely monitored.
Having to follow a strict diet, check my blood sugar and inject insulin multiple times a day was a constant reminder of the risks to the baby. Happily, he was healthy when born.
How did your life change afterwards? Or did it?
He's currently 4 months old, so this is all still very new to me. But, I sometimes find I can't clearly remember a time that he wasn't here with me. He has brought deep contentment to my life and I feel like this is exactly what I am meant to be doing at this time.
After a complicated pregnancy, I'm now enjoying being a parent, and I'm looking forward to seeing him grow and develop. I don't think I'd be as patient were I a younger first-time mother, but I probably would have had more energy...
How has society received you as a mother over 40?
It's possible that some people have all sorts of opinions about my being 41 when my first child was born, but I'm too busy right now in the flurry of feeds, nappies and cuddles to notice. I'm also more confident than I was when younger and am more accepting that people may be critical about me being an older mother and I'm not concerned by it.
However, it definitely affected my experience as a maternity patient as I received extra screening due to my age which diagnosed my gestational diabetes, and I'm very grateful for that.
What would you say to women who are currently childless and thinking about conceiving?
Firstly, be aware it might take a while to conceive. I think a lot of us spend so long being conscientious about avoiding pregnancy that it can be a surprise when it doesn't happen immediately when we want it to.
Also, be realistic about your support system and finances. My parents are loving grandparents, but as they are older they don't have the energy to be around as much as they would have been were Alex born 15 years ago. I am fortunate to have some wonderful friends who are a big part of his life and a huge source of support.
But practicalities are such a small thing when compared to the yearning for a child. Had I been ultimately unable to conceive I think I'd have found other ways to live a happy and fulfilled life, but I would have carried a small regret with me throughout that life. So if someone wants to be a parent I'd suggest being proactive about it, take whatever steps needed and go for it.
