This project is about celebrating the strength of women and it is also about challenging misconceptions such as “it’s dangerous to have a child after 40” or “it’s too difficult to be an older mum”. We also want to put the spotlight on women who may have waited to have a child because they were focused on their career in their 20’s and 30’s or women who conceived after a long time of trying to get pregnant or trying treatments such as IVF. We are hoping to develop a series of honest, intimate and raw portraits of mothers with their child.
Angelica
Tell us your story .
My husband and I had been trying to have kids for about 7 years. We had tried NAPRO, a 'natural' method of both birth control and conceiving that involves exhaustive charts and monitoring of bodily fluids. We had several friends for whom this worked, but sadly, not us. We always said that we'd never try IVF, because it was too invasive, expensive, with very slim chances for success especially after the age of 40.
A friend of ours was going to the Galway Fertility Clinic and convinced me to go in just for a consultation. After all the time trying to conceive, we bit the bullet and said we would try it twice. TWICE. Just so we could say we tried everything we could and get on with our lives without regrets. We did our first round and were only able to retrieve 4 eggs. One wasn't viable, and after fertilization, another failed. We had two embryos to pin our hopes to. They were implanted on a Monday and I was sent home with the strict instructions to avoid any stress or heavy physical activity. 5 days later, my mother passed away. In the Philippines. So instead of resting, I found myself on a 32 hour emergency flight to Manila.
It was the worst, most emotional week of my life. Another 32 hour flight home, we arrived home wrung out and exhausted. We waited until the next morning to take the pregnancy tests the clinic sent home with us, all but forgotten in the turmoil. We had very little hope, but the first test came out positive! We stood looking at it uncomprehendingly and my husband said: "take the other one..." Also positive! We were stunned. We rang the clinic, and when I told the receptionist the good news, she said: "...you're kidding!" We were just as surprised as she was! I was 41 years old.
Today I have a beautiful, hilarious, amazing little girl. Was it not thinking about the process that helped the IVF work? Did my mother have a little hand in helping her only granddaughter into the world? In my heart I think that's what it was. I'd like to think it was my mother's last gift to me: motherhood.
Did you have any fears about carrying a child when you were over 40?
I didn't have any worries about carrying a baby after 40. Maybe it was blissful ignorance because I'd never been pregnant, but I was happy to have the chance. My body definitely didn't 'bounce back," but I hear you have to work for that and I've just been too tired! I'm pretty sure that's a symptom of ALL mothers though, not just the over 40's ones. Nobody's passed any comments about me being an older mother, and frankly, I don't think it's all that out of the ordinary. It's become the norm, and I've met a lot of new moms in and around my age at baby groups.
